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THE ONLY TRULY HONEST ATTITUDE TO HUMAN EXISTENCE IS ONE OF TOTAL SELFISHNESS. The truly courageous man chooses crime rather than virtue, for he knows that virtue was invented by our rulers to keep us in subjugation. Kings and Popes know better; they spend their lives in every kind of debauchery..."

- The Marquis de Sade

That one paragraph made more sense to me than all the sermons and lectures I had ever heard in my life! I promised myself, that I live my life for myself alone.....

Of course, I didn't want to be caught, so I planned my first rape very, very, well.....

I don't what made me pick my first "victim". It wasn't, as the popular myth goes, that she provoked me, or deserved it or anything. Exactly the opposite. She looked just like the kinda woman I'd bring home to meet my good upstanding, Bible-thumping folks.

She was cute, not really pretty, but cute. 5'7, gree-eyed long brown hair worn in a long braid down her back, slender and small breasted. And she dressed like she was going to go to church schoolgirl uniform sex any moment.

She always parked her car far from everybody else, I suppose she worried about door dings so this helped in watching her, and having her be isolated. I watched her for a good month while winter really set in, so now it was dark by 4:30pm.

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I was there in the lot that Tuesday night, in a stolen silver Ford van. I seen a program on serial rapists, and they all had what they called "rape kits", so on the seat next to me were the following items: Duct tape, clothesline, latex gloves, and a blanket.

She came out at six-ish, most everybody was already gone. I was out of my van waiting by her car on the passenger side with the duct tape and the gloves. She put the key in the door and I sprang from the passenger side and ran to the drivers side. She screamed "Nooo!" and turned to run.

She got two steps and I grabbed her from behind around her waist. In one motion I lifted her to take her off balance, and then brought her almost gently down to the ground.

I said nothing but held her down by her neck, her will to fight was strong, but I gave her no time to think. I wrapped her hands in duct tape in front of her, and wrapped some around her legs above her knees.

She was begging and pleading for me not to hurt her, not to rape her, not to kill her,....I can't even begin to tell you how much that turned me on! I almost busted a nut right then and there!

"Oh god,oh god,oh god please stop, c'mon, plese stop, take my car, oh god no.no, oh god, oh god please, please", as much as I loved the sound of her voice, I put one piece of tape on her mouth.